Book Review:
The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of
Women by Elisabeth Badinter
Elisabeth Badinter seeks to answer the question why so many
French women choose to have children in rates over and above their Japan, Italian,
German and even American counterparts.
Her answer is very controversial. The premise of her book is that increasingly,
women are opting out of motherhood because the trend in all things “natural”
makes it too difficult. The French, who up till now have been more or less
immune to this trend, are in danger of the same falling birthrates if women
sign up to the philosophy which hold breast feeding at its gold standard ( i.e.
attachment parenting in its various incarnations).
I personally let out a deep breath when I read the line: “Today’s
ideal is supremely demanding, even more than twenty years ago.” (Ms. Badinter
is 68.) The pause in the progress of women’s equality, coupled with the
increasing demands of motherhood has created the situation where women are increasingly
choosing not to have children. Ms. Badinter argues the primary cause of the
increasing demands of motherhood is due to the trend in breastfeeding. She goes on to tell us a bit about the La
Leche League, which is responsible for spearheading the trend. The “seven
founding members were Catholic and active members of the Christian Family
Movement, known for traditionalist views.” This and her claims that
breastfeeding isn’t French is enough to dismiss the whole movement in her eyes.
While it may not be enough for most American women (especially those that own
breast pumps) her claim that “the new naturalism has the ability to generate
feelings of guilt that can drive changes in attitudes” is worth a closer look.
Now, I compost, recycle, support local businesses, shop at
the co-op, try to buy organic and do all sorts of other “green” things. But I
don’t do the cloth diaper thing because the math doesn’t add up on it (even
after moving to Philadelphia with more diaper cleaning services). While I
generally support the “emergence of a movement dressed in the guise of modern,
moral cause that worships all things natural,” as with all movements it shouldn’t
be above criticism.
While you should compost because everyone putting so many
things down a garbage disposal is creating sludge that is choking our waterways
(stay tuned for my review of “Chesapeake” next) the math on the cloth diapers
doesn’t make it worth it (as I learned from an environmental science professor
at Dartmouth). We should focus our efforts on the things that will get the
maximum effect, because time and money are finite. Ms. Badinter doesn’t quite
come out and make the point that this kind of thinking – focusing on what is
the most effective – is at odds with a movement that relies primarily on guilt.
It’s too bad because her book would be stronger if it did.
Modern womanhood is hard. “Today, just like 20 years ago,
women take on three-quarters of domestic work,” Ms. Badinter writes. “For a
majority of women it remains difficult to reconcile increasingly burdensome
maternal responsibilities with personal fulfillment.” In addition to on demand
breast feeding, “Mothers are strenuously advised not use day-care centers for
babies under one year.” These standards come at a high personal cost to mothers,
she argues, too high for an increasingly larger number of women.
While Ms. Badinter mostly focuses her arguments against the
trends of “naturalism”, she misses twos elephants in the room. The first is the
man’s role in these changing demands and how they plan for fatherhood (or don’t).
The second is only mentioned toward the end of the book. “For many, motherhood
is held as the highest form of fulfillment for women even as yet it is devalued
socially. Full-time mothers are unpaid, suspected of doing nothing all day and
deprived of a professional identity because their wok requires no
qualifications.” Or to put it another way: If you want people worth a damn to
do a job, you have to make the job worth a damn.
